He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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