Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
