Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
