And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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