My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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