I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
