I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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