So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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