can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
