I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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