Do vagina's smell?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
