I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
