I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
