I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
