he wants to bone in the snuggie
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
