I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
that may or may not have been my penis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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