Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
