Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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