Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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