the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
