Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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