I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
