Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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