i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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