his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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