Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
