I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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