we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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