Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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