just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When are your genitals available?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
