I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
