Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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