Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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