she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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