I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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