i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
