I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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