dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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