Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
