I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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