I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
