i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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