mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
