my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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