Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
