Apparently you make a good broom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
