Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
