So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
