Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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