I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
