Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
