Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
