I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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