Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
