There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
