I skipped work to stalk him.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
