Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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