PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
