when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
