puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We have started to decorate penises.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
