I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
