I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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