farters have to be the big spoon...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
