He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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