if you like me you must not know who I am
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
